"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.”
15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry out to me? Tell the Israelites to go forward."
I can hardly believe that is has been over a year since I wrote in this blog. My last post was December 2011. Much has happened since then, I have graduated from seminary (so I really should update the purpose of this blog), I got a job (as a youth pastor in my home church--awesomeness!), and I am now in the track to become an ELDER in the UMC. If any of you knew me in seminary, you may be really familiar with my story of wanting to be a Deacon, not an Elder. But alas, as I'm beginning to realize, God has His way at times, and despite my own ineptness or outright disobedience--both are adequate--I came to see things rather differently. My eyesight was corrected. So it took two years to realize it! Im human ya know! :) My hope is to get my paperwork rewritten by March, submitted by April, and go before my district boards to hopefully be continued to BOOM (the big FL board that really makes the call on whether I am fit to be an Elder).
My point in wanting to share all of this today, this first day of January 2013, is because of the verse from Exodus above. You see, there was about a two year span where I was called to stillness. Those two years included lots of growth time, spiritually and intellectually. Mission trips. Preaching. And some very dark times as well. Yes, I was in seminary. Yes, I was engaged in a congregation of believers. Yes, I was attentive to my family and husband, and friends. But, I was completely in a place of stillness with regard to my call. I had no idea where I was going. My last post described an ending--seminary. It also spoke of an uncertainty. An ambiguity that in many ways truly haunted me. What was I going to do? Wasn't I supposed to be doing something? For God? It was a still time...That just about drove me up the wall!!!
Then early in the new year 2012, things began to change. Small things. But evidence was showing that God was up to something. Opportunities appeared. Doors seemingly dropped appeared out of nowhere, wide open. At the time, I was oblivious to the bigger picture--the one that we call
hindsight. I have the advantage; Heather, then, did not, she traveled carefully. Prayerfully considering it all. Could it be? Was God finally going to provide me an opportunity to MOVE ON? Could it be time?
It was time. There was a time for stillness. Then I heard God say...FORWARD! And off I go. Still going. Still stumbling, Still Bumbling things up. But I'm learning. Just like the Israelites.
There are times when I miss the stillness. How it drove me mad back then...and how I crave it now, so human are we. So thankful should we be that this God of Grace would gently grow me. Sowing seeds in my soul along this way. I'm in work. We all are. Fortunately, He is the gardener. Let him tend me. His way is best.
Stillness. Are you there? Then be still knowing that the dawn is coming, wrestle if you must. Argue. Complain. This is our humanity revealed. But never stop looking up to him. He is the good teacher. The good leader.
Forward. Are you here? Perched and anxious to move. The door is open. Do you walk through? Why walk?! Run!! He has made the way. Forward!
Are you in between? Ahh, this is the best place of all. And the worst. Hold tight to him. Anticipating. Eager. Looking for the moment he says... Move! But don't rush this time. Patiently wait. It's coming.
Most of all, no matter where you are, are you listening? Listening to Him who constantly speaks to us, and has forever spoken to us through the coming of Christ.
Peace.
